Amazing Toasters by Tech Companies

Here's some food for thought - what if Technology companies made our everyday kitchen toasters?
Got you thinking, didn't we?
Relax and read on ...


If Apple made toasters ...

It would do everything the Microsoft toaster does, but 5 years earlier.

If Costco made toasters ...

They'd be really cheap, as long as you bought a six-pack of 'em.

If Cray made toasters ...

They would cost $16 million but would be faster than any other single-slice toaster in the world.

If Fisher Price made toasters ...

"Baby's First Toaster" would have a hand-crank that you turn to toast the bread that pops up like a Jack-in-the-box.

If Franklin Mint made toasters ...

Every month you would receive another lovely hand-crafted piece of your authentic Civil War pewter toaster.

If Google made toasters ...

It would serve all Google software products and services free of charge. Apple, of course would not like any of it and declare a thermonuclear war.

If Hewlett-Packard made toasters ...

They would market the Reverse Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread.

If IBM made toasters ...

They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.

If Intel made toasters...

-- but I repeat myself. Best to use dual processors so it is done on both sides. ~James Little

If Microsoft made toasters ...

Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.

If NeXT made toasters...

They would be the most beautifully designed toasters in the world. Unfortunately, there would be no way to get the bread inside. Ultimately, Next would stop selling toasters and decide instead to make bread that could be used in other toasters. ~Robert Klothe

If the NSA made toasters ...

Your toaster would have a secret trap door that only the NSA could access in case they needed to get at your toast for reasons of national security.

If Oracle made toasters ...

They'd claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you'd discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away, and that indeed the whole appliance was just blowing smoke.

If Sun made toasters ...

The toast would burn often, but you could get a really good cuppa Java.

If Radio Shack made toasters ...

The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.

If Rand Corporation made toasters...

It would be a large, perfectly smooth and seamless black cube. Every morning there would be a piece of toast on top of it. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number, and the blueprints for the box would be highly classified government documents. The X-Files would have an episode about it.

If SAP made toasters ...

The manual to run the toaster would be approximately 10,000 pages long. The toaster would come with 2,500 switches which would all have to be set in an exact pattern and in a precise sequence in order to toast specific kinds of bread. Each pattern would be established by SAP's experts as the "Best Practices" method of toasting that kind of bread. It would take a team of basis and functional contractors about 1 year to configure the toaster in the best manner, and then another 6 months to test it. In the mean time, your entire family would need to attend extensive training classes on how to use the new toaster. In order to support end users and consultants, MIT would establish a list-serv for people to post questions and answers regarding toaster set-up and operation. Of course, the online help would randomly pop up in German. But once it was running, you'd get the best toast in the world.

If Samsung made toasters ...

They would be a replica of the iToaster model developed by Apple. Apple will file lawsuit claiming patent infringement. The judge would throw our the lawsuit claiming the Samsung model was not as hot as iToaster.

If Sony made toasters ...

The ToastMan, which would be barely larger than the single piece of bread it is meant to toast, can be conveniently attached to your belt.

If Tandem made toasters ...

You could make toast 24 hours a day, and if a piece got burned the toaster would automatically toast you a new one.

If Thinking Machines made toasters ...

You would be able to toast 64,000 pieces of bread at the same time.

If Timex made toasters ...

They would be cheap and small quartz-crystal wrist toasters that take a licking and keep on toasting.

If University of Waterloo made toasters...

They would immediately spin-off a company called WatToast.

If Wang made toasters...

Marketing would never agree upon what customers really want or need in a toaster so millions of dollars would be spent in development and their toaster would be several years late. Just after release Wang would buy another company whose toasters ran on NT but would find that they got more orders for the original.

If Xerox made toasters ...

You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.



It is sad that some of the above companies don't exist today ... I would have loved to see how they compete to build and market wireless toasters. I bet there would be apps that would do amazing tasks such as - start toasting the moment you step in kitchen every morning; replenish your stock; advice you if you should have darker toast or lighter depending upon your mood; prepare special celebrity toasts on weekends; order Genie the robot to bring the toast to your bed as soon as you awake. Nerd smile




Disclaimer: Don't know the origin or who owns the copyright ... but hey! good for a smile!!!



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